did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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