I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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