Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
