Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
