i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
