update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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