I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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