He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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