i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize