she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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