It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize