last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
