Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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