planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
