My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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