He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
