There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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