I'm so fucking centered right now
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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