he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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