i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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