i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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