Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
