Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
