i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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