So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize