yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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