yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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