omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
