I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize