She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
