Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
