i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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