Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
