if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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