I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
