I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
