Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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