i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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