JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
