apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
