i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
