So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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