When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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