Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
