I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize