i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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