So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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