You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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