Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
