There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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