Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
