umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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