Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
