I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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