You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
