Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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