i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
