Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
