I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize