According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
