this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
