i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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