Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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