I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just cropdusted the office
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
