Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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