Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
