I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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