I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The Olympian is in my bed
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