angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
