She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
