I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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