Don't make out with my wife yet
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
