I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
