Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
