I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
